Not much about my days have changed, as of late. Time passes by almost uneventful, which is a nice break from the events that have found their way to me in past months. But there is something I miss about it. I thought I would be head over heels for that moment when things slowed down, when there wasn't a constant worry about what was waiting to greet me around the corner, when I could relax.
I've come to find, though, that I'm not head over heels for these moments. They seem stagnant. Every day feels unproductive, and I feel stuck. Every night seems never-ending, in the sense that I have to keep my mind from running wild until it allows me to sleep.
I've realized just how little intention my days actually have. It's almost as if I'm on autopilot - simply doing whatever I have to to get through the day, whether it means something or not. I could spend hours on wishes, wasting my time dreaming of them instead of making them come true. I let my fears consume me, and prevent me from creating the magical days I wish to live.
In a few months, my life could very well become "un-stuck". The magic that I ever-so lovingly dream of could begin to carve a deep canyon into my life.
With a little luck on our side, we'll begin to have more happy moments to remember than sad ones. With a little luck on our side, we'll be moving away from it all. New jobs are in the not-so-distant future. A new, happier home is patiently waiting for us to make it ours. However, I don't want to wait that long to dig my way out of this growing trench. For if I do, I'll have wasted these wonderful months - this wonderful season - on waiting.
xo, A.
