The Ramblings of a Lost Soul

Source: sparkling-glitter.tumblr.com via Allison on Pinterest

Lately I've been feeling more lost than ever.  I'm sure this is something we all go through at one point or another.  But for me, when I've taken a moment to look back on the past few years, I realize just how lost I've been.  My time has been spent bouncing from here, to there, and back again.  I've spent more time searching for what to make of myself than actually becoming who I want to be.  My focus has been on everything but myself, and I feel as though it shows.

How do we decided who we are?  Who we want to be?  What we want to become?  I could spend all day trying to come up with my answer to those questions.  I feel like there are so many doors in front of me, yet I have no idea which one to open.  I'm terrified of failing, of choosing the wrong door.  I have a difficult time singling out my strengths and determining what I do well enough to make a life out of.  I see so many wonderful people who have talents and passions greater than the sun.  They all inspire me so, but comparatively, I feel blank.

I have my moments where I wish for nothing more than to strike off into the distance and not look back until I feel like I'm somewhere.  I have my moments where I don't care about doing what is "socially acceptable", or what is expected of me.  I have my moments where I want to hop on the next bus to Seattle and start over.  But I know I can't do that.  I have to remain where my feet are, and hope they lead me somewhere incredible.

xo, A.

P.S.  I've been working on something special over the past few days, and I plan to share it with you all soon.  Keep on the lookout.

P.S.S.  You're all lovely.  Thank you for reading my ramblings. <3

Late Nights and Old Friends

I can't believe it's almost Thanksgiving.  2 more short days.  I still feel like it should be about May or so, and the days should be getting longer instead of shorter.  I don't think I'm ready for this time of year yet, to be honest.  It gets dark out now before 6, and that makes my body tired.
I am also still not ready for my birthday, which is one short week from tomorrow.  (I do like the fact that my birthday is one week from the 22nd, however.  It means it falls exactly one week from the birthday of one of the most influential people in my life - a man by the name of Ville Valo.  Call me cheesy if you must.)  When I was in my early teenage years, I had so many dreams of what my life would look like at my coming age.  I suppose the fact that none of those dreams have found their truth makes me scared of growing older.  But, I digress.  Soon the day will be here and I must make it a memorable one.

Last night, a dear old friend of mine arrived at my house.  I hadn't seen him in well over a year and a half, and I certainly did miss him.  He arrived just in time to catch the new episode of The Walking Dead with us, then we all watched the third Transformers movie, and later stayed up into the wee hours of the morning chatting.  It was so nice to be in good company.

Have a wonderful night, loves.
xo, A.